Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
