Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
