We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
