I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
