I hate all girls vehemently.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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