how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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