Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
