I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The air was thick with penises
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
