I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
