I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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