it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I still have a little drunk in my system
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
