Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
