Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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