UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
