I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
