I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
