There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She needs sedatives and a leash
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
