i think i have herpe
just one?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
