sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
