Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
