Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
