You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
