I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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