Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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