literally had 100 drinks last night.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is Oprah even human
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
