Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
