I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy sore nipples Batman
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
