dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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