he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
