I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize