part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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