I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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