It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize