Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
