i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
