Say something about gay babies.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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