Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
