It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
