The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
