I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
