apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize