Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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