I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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