i think my tv is drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
