Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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