I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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