U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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