i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
