Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
