She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's never too late to be topless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
