no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
