You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
