what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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