why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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