For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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