I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
