You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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