And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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