Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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