His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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