Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
