she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize