Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
