I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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