ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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