Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
