His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
