It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
