Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
