I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
