Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize