i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I smell stomach acid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
