Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
