I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize