if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
